Just Breathe...

Today was better than the one before.  I have 95% completed the clean-up project I embarked upon in my room to get in"surgery ready".  This morning I had my breast molding with a wonderful woman who works at Sutter Solano hospital.  The process was a tad messy but fun!  She was great and modesty went completely out of the window as we recreated a lasting memory of what my breasts are prior to surgery.  Here's a picture of the semi-final project.  

I still have to fill in some of the weak spots and sand it and glaze it and then I have to decide what the final design will be!  I will definitely make sure to reveal the final finished project once it's completed! 

After, my breast impression I headed over to my second opinion appointment with Sutter Solano Medical Center's Cancer Center.  It is a warm and inviting new building that is only a few years old.  Of course, mom was in tow and we met with Dr.M and she reviewed my chart, history and discussed the local and systemic treatment options for someone facing my diagnosis.  As most doctors have commented, my age is very shocking but a reminder that Cancer is a very random thing these days.  Most cases are showing that all newly diagnosed cancer patients like me, have zero family history.  Research is critical in finding out more information of this deadly disease.  At any rate, we discussed how my tumor had been benign for several years and then recently turned cancerous.  She remarked that it is quite rare for doctors to see well differentiated cancer cells such as the one's I have.  Because my cancer is very slow growing, it is plausible that I have had it longer than the 6month-1 year estimate made by my doctor originally.  However, she agreed that i haven't had it for 9 years which is about as long as it has been since I first had the fine needle biopsy when I was in college.  As far as treatment, she felt that a lumpectomy would be the good choice but with the recent phone call I received from my surgeon-things may change.

While driving to the appointment, I received a call from my breast surgeon at Kaiser who received the results of my breast MRI a day early.  There is good news and bad (unknown) news.  My right breast is still normal and healthy... YAY!  However, my left breast shows other markings that could be a cyst or nodules that could be normal..or they could also be malignant as well.  Clearly, this changes things in regards to the approach and treatment plan.  An emergency appointment was scheduled with radiology for 10am tomorrow to find out a bit more on what it is.  If in fact there are other suspicious elements in my breast the better of the options may be to undergo the mastectomy of that breast.  This becomes an option because they can't perform "multiple" lumpectomies on the one breast and also because my current tumor was benign at one point and it changed...who's to say these other cysts could change later too?  As I've said before, I want to be on the road to recovery and having to reinvent the wheel with more surgeries for something I could have stopped initially would be ideal.  One other thing that came out of the 2nd opinion consultation is the fact that I should expect to have a chemo treatment regimen.  Studies are showing that women such as myself that are pre-menopausal have a greater success rate when they undergo a chemo treatment.  This is especially true considering that my tumor size is around 3cm which is considered moderately large.  The tumor size can also impact the cancer recurrence rate.  In short, she advised me that i should consider shopping for wigs now. 

So two potentially heavy blows, but here I sit and I'm still "hanging in here".  I will try and keep everyone informed on what happens tomorrow.  If in fact I have the mastectomy then I should expect a hospital stay and a longer recovery period.  In the meanwhile, I'm just breathing and taking it in one breathe and one day at a time.  Earlier today I spoke with Judi Grove, the owner of Breast Impressions and she again remarked at my strength and attitude when I called to thank her for my kit and tell her how well it all went.  One thing she said struck me.  She said that she tries to not have any expectations and only see opportunities.  I've had a similar approach with people in terms of not expecting them to do anything because it saves me from being disappointed in the end.  But, I have never thought to change that thinking into an approach of a situation.  I tried very hard not to expect things to go a certain way this week because honestly, I didn't expect to get cancer!!! Again, no one does but it wasn't my personal life plan and it's obvious that greater plans are in store for me.  So many of the words I keep hearing in my cards and from all of you is in regards to my strength.  Thanks for thinking so! I'm just pushing through and trying to swim on.  It's a challenge but when I have my moments I start by just breathing and returning to the basics.  Tomorrow will be another important lesson on the journey with patience and breathing...I'll keep you posted.  Thanks for reading and your unyielding support!

Until tomorrow, sleep well!