Sharing an old cup with new friends...

Not much has happened since my last post. I'm still in good spirits and while it seems many around me are whispering and waiting for the other shoe to drop, my spirit remains in tact and possibly stronger than it has in a very long time.  I was so sad most of 2008 and swallowed those feelings for so long that I almost see my cancer diagnosis as blessing and a means for me to escape the old me as I transition into this next phase of my life.  

Today was another good day on the cancer front but the world's WORST cramps in America kept me from attending work.  It's the first sick day I've had since January and my diagnosis.  It came at a good time and I was able to really rest my body and calm my mind.  This weekend I was in a cleaning/organizing state-of-mind to make my room "surgery ready".  I know I won't be able to lift and I want to have all of my books and movies ready and accessible.  In my cleaning spree- I was desperately searching for a brochure that I picked up at my last Relay For Life in August.  I finally found it and made a call to Judi of Breast Impressions. Breast Impressions is an amazing non-profit organization  based in Oklahoma, that offers a memory to women that are faced with breast cancer surgery.  I originally picked up the flier wishing that I could have known about it in time to share with my friend that had her double mastectomy the month before the cancer walk.  I never thought that the flier I took then would be the flier that gives me comfort and hope 7 months later.  Judi was beyond amazing.  The organization provides the breast casting kits free of charge to all women diagnosed with breast cancer even those out of her home state.  She also referred me to the local nurse that had the booth at the Relay for Life, last August. I've already emailed with Peggy and she has agreed to come help me do my casting of my breasts before my surgery!  Because it's paper mache it really is a two-person job.  Once my cast is done I'll decorate it and have a work of art that is personal and perfectly me.  Please check out their website and photo gallery so you can have a better idea of what I mean! 

Young Survival Coalition is another resource I was given today by Judi and it's a group that started to bring awareness to survivors of breast cancer that are younger than 40.  It's sad that even within a disease there can be so much ageism and people thinking "you shouldn't have breast cancer because you're not 42".  Those thoughts exist and while every day a 1/4 of a million women under 40 live in this country with breast cancer more can be done to change the stigma associated with breast cancer.  I'm looking forward to being contacted by them and I created an online profile to meet with other young survivors.  Although I have a lot of support, my issues and thoughts are different based on my age and current experiences.  I'm looking forward to becoming an advocate for other young women and helping to change the way the world views breast cancer and the women surviving it every day.

Keeping with a positive breast cancer day, it ended tonight as I attended my first support group for breast cancer survivors.  "The Over-Flowing Cup" is a breast health and women's empowerment program that began in Solano County by a mother and daughter duo that were diagnosed with breast cancer within three months of each other.  The group has grown a lot since 2000 but their mission of early breast cancer detection and establishing a culturally sensitive support group and services for the county remain the same.  I went back in forth in my head for a short while regarding attending the meeting.  Not because I didn't think that I could benefit from a support group at this stage of my diagnosis, but because I truly didn't want to be engulfed in any one's "pity party".  My commitment to fighting my cancer is strong and I don't need anyone else trying to rain or stomp on my parade.  Let's just say that tonight I was pleasantly surprised at the intimate group and sister setting.  We met at a local Starbucks and I not only shared my story but smiles over one of my favorite drinks.  The majority of the group have been survivors for 5 years or more, while one first time member is undergoing chemo and nearing the end of her treatment journey while mine is just beginning.  However, no matter the place on the journey, I was given encouragement of things to expect and that in the event my seemingly positive and optimistic persona "cracks" it's ok.  That moment will only allow me to dig deeper and if it doesn't come- that's all right too.  One of the things that was said tonight that really stuck with me is that a woman isn't defined by her breast cup- or even the existence of breasts at all.  Breasts don't determine worth.  It's a great thought and I'm going to try and repeat it daily and not take the surgery of my breasts so personally.  So while drinking my favorite coffee drink (5 pump soy white mocha, stirred with whip) I made new friends and sisters that embrace me and where I am at this point of a journey that is so familiar to them.  I am now committed to helping them with their local outreach and fundraising for their 6th annual black and white gala in May "Steppin' to Survive".  I can't wait!

So, all in all, things are going well 9 days until surgery.  We're in a single digit countdown and I'm still ready to rock-and-roll into surgery and get this over and done with.  Thanks again for rolling with me!  I'm sure all of you are sleeping well and I'm going to crawl in bed and join you! Good night (morning) and sweet dreams!!! Be well!